At Any Rate
by TheDevilYouDon't
Summary: But we did. I'm sure of it. We had to. There's not many reasons why you'd wake up naked in bed with someone if it wasn't for that particular reason. H/Hr. Post Hogwarts. R & R. Rated for themes and language.
1. Chapter 1

Something's wrong here.

Duh. Of _course_ something's wrong here.

My life has taken many a topsy turvy road, but never down this particular path.

I've faced unspeakable horrors before, but nothing could have prepared me for this moment in time.

"What the hell?" Yeah. _That_ moment.

"What the bloody hell?" she cries out in surprise again. I shake my head and pull myself as far over as I can without, you know, falling off the bed.

"No idea." That's all I can squeak out. That's all pathetic Harry Potter can manage.

"Did we…You don't think we-" But we did. I'm sure of it. We _had_ to. There's not many reasons why you'd wake up naked in bed with someone if it wasn't for _that_ particular reason.

"I don't know." I'm starting to sound like a broken record.

Her mouth is open, almost all the way to the comforter. "What happened last night?"

Why is she asking me? Like I bloody know. _She's_ the one with all the answers.

"I can't remember anything." Great. Now I've possibly cheated on Ginny. Cheated on Ginny with my best friend…and, well, her best friend too. And Hermione, she's cheated on Ron…with me…possibly. We still don't know yet.

Merlin, I'm messed up. Defeat the Dark Lord; ruin the best relationship of your life for free. Boy, that's a bargain. I wonder if they have groups for this.

Probably not.

"Harry, all I remember is being in the Leaky Cauldron with you, then, nothing," she tells me, covering her chest up with the top sheet.

I shake my head. "I don't remember anything else after that either."

"I have to go." She stands and runs her hands through her hair. She leaves my sheet wrapped around her body as she finds her clothes, then she darts from my bedroom.

I'm still sitting there like an idiot when I hear my front door close. In fact, I really don't know how long I sit there, because the next thing I know, my phone's wringing. It's the small one that Ginny got me for Christmas last year. She got herself a matching one.

Breathe, Potter.

"Hello?" I say into the phone.

"Harry!" I wince as Ginny's delighted squeal pierces my ears and causes my head to pound even harder. "Good afternoon. Are you still in bed?"

I nod like an idiot until I remember that she can't see me. "Yes," I manage finally.

"Good." Huh? Why is that good? "I'm coming over. Stay where you are and I'll be there in twenty minutes." I can't speak, my jaw's just hanging there uselessly. "Love you." And she hangs up.

"Shit!" I cry out and jump out of bed.

Twenty minutes to clean the scene of the crime. I gather my clothes up, managing to slip on my boxers in the frenzy. I then gather my sheets, having the pick the top one up in the hallway where Hermione left it, and I run to the washing machine, throwing them in as quickly as I can.

They're washing quickly and then I'm back in my room, gathering clean bed sheets and throwing them onto my bed haphazardly. Then I'm shoving myself into a t-shirt and sweatpants and climbing back into bed just as I hear the front door open again.

"Harry?" I hear Ginny call. "Still alive in here?" Haha. Funny Ginny. Just get the hell in here.

"In here, honey!" I call out helpfully. Well, hopefully it's helpful. Why didn't she just come into my room immediately? She knew I'd be here.

"There you are." She's in my room and on top of me in seconds. Damn, twice in 24 hours. Yay me. Hurray for me…Ugh. Who am I kidding? This is terrible.

…..

"And then she said I was crazy!" Ron yells in excitement.

Ah, dinner at the Weasleys. How I've missed the headaches you bring.

Yep, my head is still pounding and Hermione won't even look at me. Congratulations, Potter. You're a class A screw-up.

"That's great, Ron," Ginny says from her perch on my lap. "Isn't it Harry?" Am I a horse that needs prodding?

I nod. "It really is." Why, yes. Yes I am.

Ron just laughs and squeezes Hermione's hand. She looks up and smiles at him faintly and I wonder briefly if she's just as lost in thought as I am.

Uh-oh. Nausea here I come.

"Hang on, Gin. I'll be right back." She gives me a worried look but gets off my lap quickly and lets me rush to the bathroom as quickly as I can without running.

Two flushes and a couple of breath mints later and I'm back in their living room, trying to block the loudness of seven different conversations out of my head. No such luck.

How's that for karma?

"Harry?" Crap. "Can I talk to you for a second?" Double crap.

I turn and see Hermione on her feet and gesturing to the door. I nod stiffly and ignore the strange looks I get from Ron and Ginny as I make my way over to the door and hold it open for Hermione.

We walk silently and then she turns to me, her eyes sympathetic. "I'm sorry," is all she whispers.

Why's she sorry?

"Why are you sorry?"

"For being so short with you earlier." She looks ahead of us again.

Oh. Totally forgiven. Under those circumstances, it's easy to get…irritated.

"It's okay, 'Mione."

She seems sad when she stops walking. I turn and look at her, noticing for the first time the chilly breeze that's blowing. "It's just…what happened…I'm just confused."

"Understandable."

She nods. "It's not like it meant anything, right?"

I shake my head. "Of course not."

As we go back into the house and Ginny takes her spot on my lap again, I can't help but wonder, if it didn't mean anything, why am I so caught up in it?

**More to come. I promise. Let me know what you thought.**


	2. Chapter 2

I'll never recall the dream. That's the first thing I realize when I blink in the sunlight that's streaming into my bedroom. It was a nice dream, though, since I was pretty reluctant to wake up.

I smile against Ginny's bare shoulder and scoot in closer to her. She's still asleep. I can tell from the way she's breathing. And the slight, sleepy moaning sound she makes when she's sleeping tells me that I don't deserve her.

Not that I _needed_ telling. Ginny would never cheat on me with my best friend.

I'm so helplessly stupid. _Of course_ she wouldn't. Ron's my best friend. And since I've already covered the Hermione base…

Stop it thinking useless thoughts, Harry. You've got to get out of this. Think, brain! Think!

Okay. Now I'm having major flashbacks from when I was in school. I've got to stop this. It may start to become habit.

"Harry?" Ginny mumbles. She's still asleep though, her breathing slow and steady as always.

I kiss her neck softly then lean up and rest my cheek against hers. She wakes up and stretches slightly before nuzzling her cheek against mine.

"Good morning." She smiles at me, causing all this stupid guilt to come crashing down again. Damnit. I was just getting over that, Gin.

"'Morning, sleeper." She smirks at the nickname and begins to move out from under the covers. I look at her questioningly and she just leans down and kisses my cheek with a short explanation of, "Breakfast."

Oh, right. I knew that.

She leaves and I get up and dress. When I go out to find her again, she's already making breakfast for the two of us. Seeing her clad in only my sweater and socks making pancakes and bacon for me—and her—causes the guilt on my shoulders to become heavier.

Why do you love me, Ginny? Here you are making a loving breakfast for me, when I unintentionally had sex with one of our best friends the other night.

That's not fair.

To her, I mean. I couldn't give a damn about myself at this point.

"Harry?" I look up. "You okay?" Crap. She's looking all worried again. This really _isn't_ fair. "You look like you're beating yourself up."

"No. I'm fine." Tell her. "Thanks for the concern though." Tell her!

I lean over and kiss her on the forehead. She smiles up at me and that alone makes me want to punch myself.

"Well, go ahead and get the table ready, then." She gives me the smile that lets me know that she means for me to do it immediately, but not in a, 'Do it now or I'll get the cattle prod out again!' way.

So, like a well trained dog, I make the coffee and set the table for the two of us. I even get a pat on the head. Okay, so a nice, meant for a human pat on the head, but a pat on the head nonetheless.

"Are you okay?" Ginny asks as she sits down across from me.

I make a face. "Sure." I take a bite of bacon and, like the intelligent beast I am, try to talk with my mouth full. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She shrugs. "You just seemed a little distant last night."

Oh. Snap.

"Sure there isn't something that you want to tell me?"

Turn around with your hands in the air.

I shake my head.

She nods and grabs my hand on top of the table, giving me a smile that I try to return. Of course, it's in vain and I'm sure that I just ended up giving her a look that, instead of contentment, conveyed constipation.

Well this is going smashingly.

….

The door opens. My front door, I mean. It opens and someone calls out my name.

"Harry?"

Oh, hey, Hermione. What are you doing here?

"In here!" I call out. She walks into the living room and looks around. Yes, yes, I know. I'm a couch potato with an addiction to mess. Tell me about it.

She doesn't. All she does is sit down on the couch next to me and look at the TV that's on in the corner of the room.

"Hi," she whispers, her back straight, causing her to sit in what looks to be an awkward position.

"Hey there."

"I was hoping we could talk."

We are talking.

"Sure." I turn the TV off and turn to face her. "What's up?"

"The other night…"

Great.

"It's just…I can't stop thinking about it." We can't remember it. What's there to think about? 

"I thought we agreed on the 'I-can't-remember-a-bloody-thing-that-happened-last-night' thing." My expression must show my confusion because she looks taken aback.

Then she nods once and takes a deep breath. "No, I don't mean that. I meant that I can't stop thinking about what _might_ have happened that night. And, you know, the next morning."

Oh. I get it now.

"Oh." I breathe deeply. "Neither can I."

She nods and sighs. "The others, should we tell them?" 

Tell them that we were drunk out of our mind and slept with each other? It's not a bad idea, but being hexed into last year doesn't sound like my idea of afternoon fun.

"I really have no idea at this point."

"It's just…It's not fair to the other two." She looks at me, ready with an explanation, but I get it already. It isn't.

We're cheaters. Horrible, lying cheaters.

Yep. That's right. Feel shame.

I shake my head. "It's not."

"I was going to leave Ron anyway."

At first I think I'm hearing things, but when I turn to face her, she's serious. Huh? That doesn't make any sense.

"Why?"

Hermione shrugs. "It's over. I think it has been for a long time."

Okay, so _that_ definitely doesn't make any sense.

"I thought things were great between you two." There it goes again. The neanderthalism that's been plaguing my thought process for the past few days.

Great. Now I'm making up words. My condition is going down hill quicker than I thought.

"So did I, but then we started fighting—I mean actually fighting, not the bickering that we usually do. And now there's just…silence." She sighs again. "It's like we're strangers."

"You seemed fine last night," I point out.

She looks up and I briefly note the pain that flashes in her eyes. "It's an act," she tells me simply. "A public one that we've been doing."

Oh.

"Oh."

She folds her hands in her lap and looks back down at her feet. "We've never had what you and Ginny have."

What the tyrant and the tyrant's dog thing we've got going? Not really something to admire.

I don't say that though. In fact, I don't say anything. I just grab her hand and lace our fingers together, squeezing hers gently.

She smiles at me and I feel warm in a way I haven't for a long time.

That was about when I leaned forward and kissed her.

….

Again with the 'I'll never recall the dream', but this time I wake to the afternoon sun. For the second time that day, I'm reluctant to wake, but at least this time I know why.

Hermione's in bed with me again. Wow. And we're…um…nude. Again. Double wow.

What am I thinking? I just dug myself deeper into this hole we're in. Well, I'm in. If she's leaving Ron than it's really not as big of a deal for her.

She's mumbling something about a tea party in the park with the elephants. I smile slightly, unable to stop myself

"You're dreaming," I whisper into her ear softly and it's like I'm unable to control myself. "Come back to me."

She opens her eyes slowly and breathes in deeply before turning to face me. My hand drops protectively to her waist and she puts her hand on the side of my face.

"Hello," she says, stroking my face with her thumb.

I smile. "Hey."

It's after I kiss her softly that I hear a knock at my front door. I sigh and get out of bed, kissing her forehead before slipping into my sweatpants and going to the door.

It's Ginny. "Hey," she says with a smile. Shit.

**More to come, more to come. By the way, thanks for all of the feedback. It's surprising the amount of you that are interested in this story. Not that I'm complaining. I love it. Keep it up.**

**:D**


	3. Chapter 3

Shit. Okay. Calm down. As long as she doesn't go anywhere near my bedroom, we're good.

"Hey, there, Ginny!" I practically scream. Hopefully Hermione heard me, because, otherwise, that would have been pointless. Ginny's looking at me like I'm crazy. Which is okay, because, well, who cares?

"Hey," she repeats, laughing at me. Nice, Ginny. Thank you so much for laughing at my internal pain.

"What's up?" Go away, go away, go away.

She smiles again and forces her way into my flat. "I just wanted to see you."

"You were here last night."

"I know. Why? Is there a problem with seeing each other more than once a day?" Uh-oh. Suspicion will _not_ help you, Harry. 

"Of course not," I blurt out quickly.

"Good." She walks over to me and puts her hands on my bare chest. "Because I missed you."

"That's good." Back up. 'That's good?' Fix this! "I mean, I missed you too."

"Mmmm…" She's nuzzling my neck now. Um…

"Ginny?"

"Yes?" She pulls back slightly.

I think quickly then look down at her. "I'm kinda tired."

"Oh." 'Oh no' is more like it. She looks sad now, hurt even.

What am I turning into?

I'll tell you what; a monster.

"That's okay." She's scrambling now for words. For anything that won't show how hurt she is. God. I hate myself more now. "I'll just see you tomorrow." She stands on her tip toes and kisses my cheek before practically running out of my flat, the door closing behind her with a 'snick.'

"Harry?" It's Hermione this time. Somehow, her voice calms me down.

I turn and see her walking towards me, wearing only one of my button-down shirts. "Hey," I'm able to greet, but I still feel the stings of my words to Ginny.

"I'm sorry." Again, why is she sorry? That makes no sense. We _both_ did this. It wasn't one-sided.

"Hermione." I walk forward and cradle her face in my hands. "I chose this as much as you do. Don't blame yourself."

I move my head forward and I take her lips with mine. She wraps herself around me, pulling me deeper into the kiss and she gives me a feeling so intense that my knees start to buckle.

Um…wow…She's amazing.

All that we've done so far is kiss, but just knowing that for the second time today we're not going to stop is enough to give me hot flashes all over my body. Warmth spreads throughout me from where are bodies are touching, but I want—no. I _need_ more.

Sure, clothes are great in their place, but that certain place isn't anywhere near right here and now. I reach down and start to unbutton my shirt—the one she's wearing. She backs us up slowly into the bedroom and stops only when her legs are pressed into my bed.

Moving back a little, I give her a shy grin (okay, okay, so I was aiming for a smile), and reach over to take the last button in my fingers. With another smile, I pull the shirt off. When I look at her, my jaw drops to the floor with her shirt.

Merlin…She's gorgeous.

Okay, so I knew that already. We've sort of done this twice before—except I only remember the latest time. Sure, I've seen her in dresses and whatnot before, but this time she's not wearing anything. She's not wearing anything and I'm allowed—sort off—to look and enjoy, and damnit if I don't do that.

I don't think there's anyone else in this world—sorry, Ginny—as beautiful as Hermione is, and for some reason she wants _me_ right now. Harry Potter, the picked on, scrawny guy with a weird scar and four eyes. Hermione Granger wants me. If I was ever sure of anything, I'm sure of that. I don't know why it is, I just know that this is real. Without the protective walls she usually surrounds herself in, her eyes can tell me more than her words ever could.

She wants me.

She needs me.

And that's all that I want, all that I need. I'm going to show her how much she's meant to me all these year. I take another step backward, without removing my gaze, slowly remove my sweatpants. There's a fire in her eyes that burns with desire and love.

Wait…Love?

I look deeper into her eyes.

Yep. That's love.

I let my eyes wander back to her face, studying it intensely. Being under her stare removes all thoughts from my head and I've never felt so right in my 20 years on this Earth. Everything drops away and, suddenly, I'm lost in her—almost drowning. It's like I can't breathe and I don't care. Oxygen isn't important. I don't even need the blood running through my veins.

Right now, there's just one thing that I need more than anything else.

She's standing right in front of me.

**Just a little story-filler until we get more plot-heavy next chapter. Whoopee. I felt sort of weird righting this, and I'm still not convinced that it's exactly how I want it to be.**

**Let me know what you think about it.**

**P.S. I will consider any ideas for future chapters, in case you were wondering. Seriously, give me a review with your ideas. If I use them, I'll credit you at the beginning of that chapter.**

**Thanks!**

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	4. Chapter 4

**Might I just say that I **_**really**_** appreciate the reviews. It means a lot that you guys care enough to tell me what you think. Thank you.**

**Also, the tension building thing that starts in this chapter, the credit for that idea goes to ****msartistics. ****Thank you so much for your contribution. :D**

I love mornings.

No, wait. I take that back. I love mornings when I can do wake up in my own time. No phones ringing, no stiff backs when I wake up on the couch again, no alarms. I like getting up from my own bed in the morning, slowly focusing in on the rest of the world.

Fortunately, this morning is one of those mornings.

I wake up with Hermione in my arms again. The sight of her in my arms reminds me that she stayed over last night. In my bed. With me. We didn't talk about or anything, but it just seemed like it should be a given. I wanted her there, she wanted to be there, and it was the perfect fix to what hadn't really been a problem. Amazing how loved I feel with her bare skin against mine, her in my arms.

_Ginny._

It's fleeting, like deep breath on a windy day, but it's there. Crossing my mind just when that guilt comes down again.

Is it possible to hex yourself, do you think?

Hmm…I wonder if Hermione would do it for me.

Probably not.

_Ron._

Not as fleeting. My stomach sinks and I feel like crawling in a hole and staying there until I die peacefully instead of having to deal with my actions.

But, that's what you do, isn't it? Deal. Consequences and all that.

Damn. I hate myself right now.

"Hermione," I say aloud. It's not a whisper. I'm not trying to coax her into consciousness. I want her up because we have to talk, have to explain to the others. We have to give them details.

Okay, so not _all_ the details. I like my face and I'd rather not have it rearranged by every member of the Weasley clan.

She's grunting and opening her eyes slowly and, even though I love how cute she looks in the morning, she needs to get up.

"Hermione, we have to tell them." Where did my assertive behavior come from?

"Huh?" Her voice is tired, much like her.

"Ron and Ginny," I specify. "They have to know. They'll find out eventually and I'd much rather they hear it from us."

She blinks a couple of times before turning onto her back and looking up at me with wide eyes. "You're right." 

Shwoo. Breath of relief.

"Good." I pull myself out of bed and find my boxers. "Clothes are a good idea."

She stands up and pulls on the T-shirt I wore the day before. "So is food."

Okay. Yeah, she's right.

That's why she's making breakfast for the two of us right now. I'm sitting at the table trying to figure out how to say, 'Hermione and I are sleeping together,' without getting an Unforgivable curse thrown at me.

'Cause that would suck.

It's about then that someone knocks at the door.

To be honest, I don't know what I'm thinking as I head for the door and open it, still clad in only my boxers. But Ron's there, so I feel my face flush. So does Hermione's since you can see into the kitchen from the front door and she's only in my shirt.

Ron doesn't say anything but his eyes shift between the two of us for a long time. Finally, he turns on his heel and marches away. Not angrily or sadly or anything. In fact, his face and posture are so void of emotion that I feel nauseous.

Crap.

….

I think I'm about to have a stroke.

Seriously.

Or something.

It's been four hours since Ron was here and there's been no more visits and no other word. Hermione left for her own flat about an hour ago and she hasn't been back yet, which is causing me to panic slightly as I pace in front of my door.

And so I wait.

And pace.

And wait.

And pace.

Okay, does anyone else ever find waiting this boring? 'Cause I sure as hell do.

Hermione's been gone _too_ long. Screw waiting. I've had enough. I'm going looking for her. What if she's hurt? She could be lying defenseless somewhere where all kinds of bad deatheatery type things could happen to her. What if she's…?

Sitting in the hall outside my flat with her back against the door.

What?

Okay, so now she's lying on the floor, since I moved the door, but what the hell is the doing in the hall?

"Hermione?" I ask hesitantly. "Are you okay? What are you doing out here?"

I'm so pissed off that she made me worry when she was just outside the whole time, but I'm more concerned about her at the moment. I'll be mad later.

She looks up at me from where she's still lying on the floor. "Hey Harry," she says nonchalantly. "How're you doing?"

Right. Now I'm just pissed.

I grab hold of her and pull her to her feet. She doesn't resist, but she doesn't help either. I soon have her on her feet and facing me.

"Harry, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" I exclaim. What does she think is wrong? "What's wrong is that I've been in here for the past hour worried sick about you, and you've been sitting out in the hall the entire time. Why didn't you just come inside? Didn't you think I care enough to want to know you're okay after you storm out my flat in tears?"

Right. That _may_ have been an overreaction.

Hermione blanches, and somehow manages an appropriate look of contrition. "Harry, calm down, okay? I'm sorry. With everything going on, I just had some stuff to think about. I wasn't hurt, and everything's fine. I didn't mean to make you worry."

Calm down? She expects me to calm down? That's exactly the wrong thing to say to someone when they're mad at you. Apparently Hermione hasn't figured that out yet. She had stuff to think about? What kind of lame-ass excuse is…?

Oh, god. Ron and Ginny. I'm such an idiot. I honestly deserve to be hung.

Okay, so maybe not hung—I love life—but maybe...publicly humiliated? Yeah. That sounds good.

But, what if it's about us? What if she's decided we moved too fast—which we did, by the way—and she only wanted to sleep with me because we were so lonely with everything happening with Ginny and Ron and she didn't know how to turn me down and we were so emotional and weren't thinking straight and now I'm gonna lose both her and Ginny because—let's face it; I'm an ass and I deserve it—but she-

"Harry?" Hermione's voice cuts off my thoughts. "Are you okay? You look like you're about to cry. I'm sorry, I really am, I just…"

I chose that moment to burst into tears.

Oh, well done. Very manly, Harry.

Hermione envelopes me in a hug. "Harry?"

I sniffle a bit as I try to control my tears. Again, way to show her who's boss, Potter.

God, we have so much to talk about.

….

"How are we gonna tell them?"

"I think they already know."

"Oh. Right. How are they gonna take it?"

"I don't know, Harry."

"We've gotta go talk to them."

"I know."

"Soon." 

"Yep."

"I don't wanna get up."

"Me either."

We're lying on my bed. One of my arms is under Hermione's head and she's on her side facing me, her right hand on my chest. We've been here for…actually, I don't know how long, but a while for sure.

"I deserve public humiliation, don't I?"

"I think we both do."

"Should I just let Ron kill me?"

"Why would you let him kill you?"

"Because I'm an asshole. I got us into this mess. Me and my stupid commitment issues and then the whole 'we were drunk' thing happened and now…_this._ It almost makes me wish Voldemort would have just finished me off three years ago."

"Don't say that." She snuggles closer and rubs her hand down my T-shirt covered chest. "You _don't_ deserve death _or_ Voldemort. No matter what happens with Ron and Ginny, you're still Harry. _My_ Harry. You're a talented wizard and a good man and…I'm in love with you."

I stop. She does too. We're both completely silent for a few minutes. Even with all the shagging we've done—the stupid, cheating, lying, unfair shagging—neither of us has said this before. It's the first time we've even _started_ to address the issue at hand.

"I'm in love with you too." The words slip out of my mouth before you can say, 'it's your fault,' and it grows silent again.

Hermione makes a slight humming noise and, when I look down, she has her eyes closed.

"I mean it, Hermione," I start again, trying to sound demanding and failing miserably. "First thing tomorrow, we've got to talk to them."

She nods once or twice but I can tell she's about to fall asleep.

_Tomorrow_, I remind myself and slowly close my eyes. _Tomorrow._

**Okay. Sorry, this chapter took forever. Writer's block sucks.**

**I'm still taking ideas, by the way. I'll even credit you. :3 Woohoo.**


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